I’m going to be totally honest here and say that I don’t really like this day of the challenge. I don’t think there is any perfect first date. I think what’s more important is the other person on the date. I also think that the “perfection” of the date depends on this person. Like, maybe I’m in love with a comic book writer, and part of our perfect first date is him giving me a comic he wrote. Or maybe I’m in love with Lil Wayne and our perfect first date is watching him in the studio. Or I’m in love with the boy next door and I’m happy just walking around the neighborhood as long as it’s with him, you know?
Basically, I think the perfect first date is one where we’re both happy and comfortable, and doing something we love. I really can’t take it any further than that.
Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was.
My day was pretty okay today. I spent the morning watching Sex & The City, listening to The Police, and texting Jonah. Then I showered and beautified myself. I had a bit of excitement, when a boy complimented me. He’s a music producer I’ve followed for years. He also sings one of my favorite songs ever. We’ve been talking lately and today he complimented me and gave me his number. This was the most exciting thing ever for me. You have no idea. Then I fell asleep for a little bit. Emily was supposed to come over, but that fell through, which upset me. Now I am up talking to my friend Devynn. The end.
Day 1 – A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was. Day 2 – A photo of something you ate today. Day 3 – Your idea of the perfect first date. Day 4 – Your favorite photograph of your best friend. Day 5 – A photo of yourself two years ago. Day 6 – A photo of an animal you’d love to keep as a pet. Day 7 – Your dream wedding. Day 8 – A song to match your mood. Day 9 – A photo of the item you last purchased. Day 10 – A photo of our favorite place to eat. Day 11 – What’s in your makeup bag? Day 12 – A photograph of the town you live in. Day 13 – Your favorite musician and why? Day 14 – A TV show you’re currently addicted to. Day 15 – Something you don’t leave the house without. Day 16 – Your celebrity crush. Day 17 – A photo of you and your family. Day 18 – Something you crave a lot. Day 19 – Another picture of yourself. Day 20 – The meaning behind your blog name. Day 21 – A photo of something that makes you happy. Day 22 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently. Day 23 – 15 facts about you. Day 24 – A photo of something that means a lot to you. Day 25 – What’s in your purse? Day 26 – A photo of somewhere you’ve been to. Day 27 – A picture of you last year and now and how have you changed since then? Day 28 – Your favorite movie. Day 29 – Something you could never get tired of doing. Day 30 – A photograph of youself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days.
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling) i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
As the pattern gets more intricate and subtle, being swept along is no longer enough.
“What is Real?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
It’s funny how the mind associates things with other things. How I associate a book about housekeeping with memories of my grandfather. How I associate those memories with you.
My grandfather was a good man. A veteran, a husband, a father, an alcoholic, an uncle, a construction worker, and plenty other things. But when you get down to it, a good man. He married later than most, and settled down in a comfortable house he could keep. He added on to it, he painted it, he reinforced it.
I remember when I was younger, shortly after he died, my grandmother decided to rewallpaper the den, and dining room. I was furious. He was the last one to wallpaper those rooms. I didn’t understand why she would ever want to touch the walls he had so perfectly covered. To be honest, I still don’t.
I watched the men come in and tear down his wallpaper. I cried. I threw a fit.
But there was something behind the wallpaper that meant more than I could have ever expected. Scribbled all over the walls was his handwriting, solving mathematical equations, making lists, sometimes just doodling. There was something deeper than paper pasted to a wall. He had become part of the house. His memory was etched into the walls. It felt like some part of him had penetrated not just the walls in those rooms, but all the walls, as if every part of the house was attached to those pencil markings.
It was stability the way you were stability. It was wanting to break down the walls so I could always have part of them with me the way you made me think of marking walls so we could tear them down together.
It’s funny how the mind associates things with other things.
Saudade is a Portuguese and Galician word difficult to translate adequately, which describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which is lost. It often carries a fatalist tone and a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might really never return.
Saudade has been described as a “vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist…a turning towards the past or towards the future." A stronger form of saudade may be felt towards people and things whose whereabouts are unknown, such as a lost lover, or a family member who has gone missing. It may also be translated as a deep longing or yearning for something which does not exist or is unattainable.
Saudade was once described as “the love that remains” or “the love that stays” after someone is gone. Saudade is the recollection of feelings, experiences, places or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, well-being, which now triggers the senses and makes one live again. It can be described as an emptiness, like someone (e.g., one’s children, parents, sibling, grandparents, friends) or something (e.g., places, pets, things one used to do in childhood, or other activities performed in the past) that should be there in a particular moment is missing, and the individual feels this absence. In Portuguese, “tenho saudades tuas,” translated as “I have saudades for you” means “I miss you,” but carries a much stronger tone. In fact, one can have “saudades” of someone with which one is, but have some feeling of loss towards the past or the future.
In Brazil, the day of saudade is officially celebrated on January 30.
In a world full of coincidences and continuities, it seems ridiculous to believe that something could fall into place so perfectly that you feel whole before realizing something was missing. But is it really so hard to believe? Couldn’t the planets align in such a way that we would be foolish to label certain events coincidences?
Maybe they could. Maybe not. But I have no problem believing that somewhere in this world, there is a boy shoveling, or climbing onto a fire escape, just living his life. And I have no problem believing that he’s the one I’m waiting for, the one I’ll throw keys over a fence with someday.
And I know that when I think about this boy out there somewhere, whoever he is, and my fingers reach for something they cannot yet grab, I feel him out there. Sometimes there is light and for just a second time stands still. And I know that at these moments, this boy is out there thinking about the girl he’ll meet in Montauk someday.
And yes, this is absolutely crazy. But I think that it’s okay, and that maybe the world needs a little more crazy. Maybe I need a little more crazy. Maybe I should have been crazy sooner..
I felt you in my legs before I ever met you. I feel you in my heart, and I don’t even know you.
“I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow; but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.”—Agatha Christie (via carouselinparis)